Cold Fish

One of our fish died the other day - not surprising as we can't seem to keep them alive since we moved into this house. On the way to flush it down the toilet, Oldest Daughter asked me why we flush fish down the toilet and not the other animals (she's aware of death since one of our birds died a couple years ago and we hand-raised abandoned kittens, losing two in the process). I didn't really have an answer for her since it's never seemed strange to me, but then I started thinking about it a little more and I'm realizing that we've never been consistent with animal remains aside from disposing of fish.

When I was 8, I begged my grandparents for a cat. Finally, they relented. We got K.C. a few days prior to Halloween. She was a beautiful ragdoll Siamese and I tormented her constantly. She lived to be 19 years old and a few days prior to her death she laid down next to me outside and I noticed she was only skin and bones. She was still eating, she was just ancient so she didn't keep weight on. At that time I had ten cats (because I'd had two when I moved back home, my grandmother had two, my husband moved in with two, and one of mine inadvertently got out and had kittens), so she was missing for a couple days when I realized she was probably dead. We went for a walk and found her in the neighbor's yard. I told my grandmother that I'd found her and she called animal control or roadkill pick up or whoever, and they came and took her. Seems fucked up to just leave her there for the trash, right? Yeah. The other cat, Kiki, disappeared and I didn't even notice for months, though other people had. We assume she was eaten by a fox, though my grandmother insists another family took her in.

Well, I'd had a cat a few years prior named Tilly. She was a three-month-old black and white kitten my ex-boyfriend had gotten me during a terrible bout of depression. My depression was worsened when I discovered I'd killed the cat by rolling a treadmill on top of her. I noticed in the evening that I hadn't seen her since the morning, so I moved the treadmill to see if I'd locked her in a rarely-used closet. She was crushed and had been killed instantly. I totally lost my mind, so then-boyfriend sent me and the kids out of the room while he gathered her body up in a trash bag and threw her in the dumpster. I was furious with him but... I never went to get her out. I like to think it was because I was in such shock at what a horrible person I'd been to kill her and not notice.

One of my husband's cats was hit by a car. He was at work when it happened, so I wrapped the cat up and left it in a box out in a never-used playhouse in our backyard until he got home. The next day we took it to the pound and had him cremated, but we didn't get his ashes back. A little less heartless I suppose, but still not the best send-off.

Buried in the yard of our old house are also two mice and a rat named Locomotivation that died when I was a teenager. Two rats I'd had in Wisconsin died and were thrown in the trash. The fourth, named Mascera de Poncho, had a big tumor and was put to sleep and my mother left her to be cremated or thrown away at the vet's office in Laramie, Wyoming.

We eventually sent all the other cats to new homes because Husband and Son were experiencing allergies. We moved, and eventually I wanted another cat. We got Shadow. Shadow got out one day and never came back. Based on the huge number of foxes, coyotes, and birds of prey around where we live, I assume Shadow was eaten. We'd hand-raised some abandoned kittens just a few months before Shadow went missing, so we had one little kitten named Ghost left. The two kittens that died are buried in my front flower garden. The other kitten that lived is now a behemoth named Spectre (yes, 'r' before 'e') and he lives with my sister. If he dies before she buys a house, she is perfectly welcome to bury him here.

We had a bird that got her wing stuck in the cage bars and died shortly thereafter from trauma. She is buried in another flower garden on the other side of our front yard. There is a rock marking the grave of a previous owner's pet name "Chip" out in our backyard by the trash barrel storage corral. It will be there when we move, too. I've painted rocks for the other animals we've buried.

I don't know why we've had such varied and sometimes heartless reactions to the deaths of animals we've loved like family. Maybe it's shock or stress that surrounds certain situations. To end a rather depressing post on a humorous note, I told Husband about Oldest Daughter's question and he said (jokingly, of course) "Because the other animals are too big to flush down the toilet".

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me while I reflect a little on the mistakes I've made and the animals I've missed over the years :)

After Burners

Christmas was good. I took far more joy in watching people's reactions to their gifts than anything else. The family dragged my uncle into this century with a 32-inch HD tv, a blu-ray player, and a bunch of dvd's and blu-rays - a far cry from the tiny 9-inch  screen that he was using from 1970-something. My aunt needed a bunch of new shirts and we found quite a few that were perfect. My sister, upon realizing she was unwrapping her space nebula bracelet, got very excited and took it around to show it to everyone in the room :-) It was a good day, and Husband did all the cooking and the food was DELICIOUS!

We have the pest control people coming again tomorrow for the wasps we keep finding. We were finding about two a day before they came last week and it's progressed to six or seven a day since they came and sprayed. I'm fairly certain that we either have a nest somewhere in the house that we can't find, or they're coming in around a window somewhere. Hopefully a full spray-down will solve the problem and we'll get a deep freeze in the next couple weeks to freeze any that are outside.

Today I was introduced to the awesomeness that is Spooky Time Jingle through a post on Polymer Clay Daily. It's all Halloween and Christmas stuff done in a Folk Art manner. Neat stuff there!

Husband has a few ship stamps coming that he'd been hoping would be delivered before Christmas, but they weren't. One in particular is for me to design the cover art for a book he'll be self-publishing in the not-to-distant future. The rest are because if he ordered enough he got free shipping from New Zealand. When they get here, I have some great plans for light switch cover art.

As for my finger, I made definitive plans to go to the doctor this morning since Husband will be working late tonight and of course it's made a miraculous recovery. I think I have a sinus infection though so I may have to go anyway.


So that's where we are. Now that the big holiday is over hopefully we can get back on track and make some progress toward other important projects. Thanks for stopping by, and may the new year find you and yours healthy, wealthy, and joyous!

Newsboy

A couple exciting things to talk about today.

First off, I got a call from Son's school yesterday. The exchange was pretty limited and went something like:

School Office: "I'm calling about Gabe."

Me: "Uh oh. Is everything okay?"

School Office: "There's been an emergency. He's probably going to need stitches. We had to call an ambulance. I need you to come to the school."

Me: "Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes."

So as I was driving up, a fire truck was leaving and a police car was pulling in. I was taken directly out to the playground where son was on a gurney in an ambulance, looking perfectly relaxed like this was nothing out of the ordinary. His entire neck and shirt and both hands were covered in blood and he wasn't even phased. Turns out, he'd been playing tag with some other kids on the jungle gym and he'd been hanging from a bar, getting ready to drop into a slide and had thrown his head back and smacked it on one of the monkey bars. The assistant principal and the principal were outside on playground attendant duty and they said he reacted perfectly. He sat down and put his head down and covered it with both hands. All the other kids freaked out at the amount of blood, but Son was fine.

After giving names and addresses and birth dates to the paramedics and the cops, Son was taken to the hospital. The assistant principal drove me in her car and one of the Special Education teachers who works with son drove my car so they could go back to the school together. Husband eventually realized I'd tried calling him a bunch of times when his ringer was off, and he came to the hospital from his allergy shot appointment. The time in the hospital passed pretty quickly. A nurse taught Son a magic trick as a distraction, then cleaned up his neck and hands and hair. They numbed him and stapled him up, then we waited around for a while for discharge papers. I kept him home today because he prefers to run and jump and never stops moving and the more he moves, the more the wound oozes blood. He will have a shower tonight and will be back to school tomorrow morning.

***

My other exciting news is that I got accepted into the Polymer Clay Artists Guild of Etsy. It's exactly what it sounds like. Everyone has been very welcoming so far and generous with offers of help and advice. They have a monthly challenge for members and do regular charity donations (including donating to Beads of Courage!). I'm only a day in to the adventure so I don't have much else to say about it yet, but I'm excited for the opportunity to meet so many amazing clay artists and to learn a lot of new things :)

***

So that's all I've got for now. Hopefully new work to post soon. Thanks for stopping by!

Back in the game

All right, y'all. Back on track. Last Thursday I spent the day hanging with the friend I've had for 17 years. I colored her hair turquoise and purple and she listened to me bitch about everything. I came home happier than I had been in months.

I finished painting the ceiling in the living room and kitchen, after 5 1/2 months of avoiding it. Paint and bedding have been picked out and purchased so we can move Son into the guest bedroom. Youngest Daughter will move into the room he's in now and I will have my full closet back.

We had a birthday party for both Daughters last Saturday as they turned 3 and 1 on Friday. Every time I have to make a cake, I hate it more than the previous time. Such a drag. Party was good though, and everyone stayed and played Cards Against Humanity.

Our vacation to South Carolina has been delayed a couple weeks so Husband and I will be going to a wedding for my cousin in the end of June. The older of my Younger Sisters is getting married in October and has finally decided on a bridesmaid dress. She even did me a favor and picked on in practical colors in a practical style that isn't outrageously expensive. I'm still not stoked about wearing a dress, but...

I'm gonna build a mermaid. A big one. Also, I'm gonna build a big phoenix (you know, the mythological bird born of fire). I'm sure husband is delighted at the prospect of the garage and / or basement being filled will huge mythological sculptures (note the sarcasm there) but that's what happens when I'm inspired. Hopefully I can actually stick with a project to the finish without getting frustrated and giving up or rushing through it just to be done. A suggestion for the phoenix was to have its eyes light up. I'm going to see if I can do so through glass eyes.

I went and got checked for skin cancer yesterday. I do not have skin cancer right now, but I have "lots of spots that could easily turn into skin cancer". So now we get to start a lovely ritual of monthly photography of moles. Maybe I'll start a blog written by the moles. Knowing my luck, it would get a million subscribers and I wouldn't even have anything clever to write in it.

Coffins for the kittens are done and we can bury them any time it stops raining long enough for the dirt to be dug up a bit. That's not a day I look forward to. I need to paint the rock that will be put over the burial site and that's the one project I have NO motivation to start.

Next week brings the start of my adventures in P90X. That says enough in itself, yeah?

That's all I've got. Thanks for stopping by.

A Glass Act

I made some beads over the weekend, including a double layered vine stringer bead that I was very impressed with.



I took a couple up to the bus stop to show a neighbor since she's been asking me about them for weeks. She insisted I show them to another neighbor. I don't get along terribly well with the other neighbor, so I avoid her if I can. I explained how the beads are made (in short: 3000 degree torch flame, molten glass, metal mandrel, kiln at 1000 degrees for 8 hours). The second neighbor then proceeds to volunteer me to teach her 10-year-old daughter to make beads. Like she didn't hear anything I just said. I was stunned into silence. So I finally said "Maybe in a few years" which sounds better than "Not in a million years, bitch". I don't even like her kids, for one thing.

I don't even let my OWN kids near my glass stuff. I might teach my kids when they're 15 or 16, if I think they can be responsible and careful at that time. No one else under the age of 18 is allowed anywhere near it. I'm not taking responsibility for other people when burns are an inevitable part of the whole equation. That, or I'm gonna have a waiver drawn up saying that they know the dangers and they don't get to sue me if they hurt themselves. They'll still have to be at least 18 though.

So yeah. Some people.

Spectre is doing great. His wounds are healing up nicely and he can put weight on his leg again. He's running and playing and happy. He doesn't like the antibiotics but he takes them without a fight if I rub his nose. He's a sweetheart. I was scared for a couple days because even though the vet warned me that his skin my slough off a bit, they didn't tell me so much would come off that I'd be able to see the muscles underneath. Gross. Husband had to do his warm washcloths at night because I cried every time I had to do it.

Ghost has been exiled from the bedroom for the last few nights because she insists on sleeping on my throat and kneading my chin and playing in my hair and just generally being a pest.

Son has learned to ride a bike with no training wheels. When he tried the first time, he fell over and broke his arm. He was terrified when we took them off again, so the first thing we did was teach him to catch himself with his hands and feet. Once he learned to balance, that was all he needed. He got a new bike as an early birthday present because the other one was way too small.

My torch got here yesterday. I'm excited to set it up, but not terribly excited to have to re-learn everything on it.

So that's it for today. Thanks for reading.

Nothing clever rhymes with "Thursday"

Wow. Three days has come and gone before I even knew what was happening. My stepmom's birthday was yesterday, so I called and talked to her on the phone. She says she got some acupuncture and quit smoking more than a month ago and hasn't even had the craving since. She's swimming laps at the gym three days a week. She gained some weight (this is good because she looks like a skeleton, seriously) and has been venturing out to go bowling and do some stuff by herself since my dad works all the time and doesn't do much when he's home.

I went out and got two new sets of paintbrushes last night. In all actuality, I need more than a hundred at any time because I use them for everything; clay work, painting, resin. Everything. And they're always all used and sitting in a bowl of water to be cleaned. I'm really NOT good at cleaning them until I don't have any left and I'm desperate. I also got a set of oil pastels and a tube of glass rods (which I only got because I needed more blue to make more of a frit mixture). I usually don't go to the craft store with a shopping list. I normally need one or two things and leave with six or eight. Guilty as charged. But I stuck to the list and got everything I went for (except oil cloth because it's ugly and expensive) and only one extra thing! The extra thing I got was because I had sudden inspiration of exactly how to use it. Yeah, me!

The wind was blowing so hard yesterday that the National Center for Wind Technology (or something like that) closed because it was too windy. Crazy. Semi trucks were blown off the road in Boulder. Huge pieces of aluminum were blowing across the road when we were driving, signs are down all over the place. Awful.

The kittens are doing great! Spectre even tried to bite the end of my thumb off last night. He's showing a slight interest in solid food, and that's awesome. He's just not sure about the texture and the chewing part. Soon though!

I got 14,273 steps yesterday! Not so good any other day this week. I keep hoping motivation will suddenly strike but it just isn't happening yet.

Youngest Daughter has been feeling icky the last week or so, fevers and teething and won't eat much and sleeps all the time. Today she got up and didn't have a fever and ate more than she has in weeks and played on the floor and squealed and drooled and is doing awesome.

I'm in limbo again about where I want to build my official glass studio. I kind of want to put it inside where I can be sure of decent temperatures regardless of how it is outside (too cold in the winter and my glass will shock, too hot in the summer and I feel like my head will implode, the kiln does NOT help), but in a way I want my own separate space where no one is going to bug me. But a studio is gonna cost lots to build and paint and insulate. If I put it in the basement, we only have to finish that one spot and get the icky spiders out (I'm crazy arachnophobic) and ventilation would be the last necessary part. Except for that whole part about HOA approval to plumb in my propane. HOA is teh suxxor. That whole plumbing in thing was the first major reason I wanted a separate studio. So I don't know. I'd just like to be able to do glass work SOON and for more than a couple months out of the whole year.

My grandmother got a phone call yesterday from her sister's daughter. Sister fell and broke her hip the other day. Had surgery on Tuesday. Don't know much else. Grandmother is worried because people frequently die of pneumonia after they break a hip. Truthfully, the sister isn't gonna be around too much longer anyway as dementia is eating her brain :(

So that's my update. Thanks for reading.

Silence of The Lambs.

By "lambs" I do not mean children. My children are never quiet. In fact, it's not yet noon on Monday and they've spent an hour separated in their rooms because I couldn't take any more screaming and fighting.

There isn't any exciting art news. After spending two days heavily focused on the mask, I haven't had any motivation to work on anything since. I fiddled around a little bit yesterday and made a couple pendants, but that's it so far. I have a marriage equality piece that I've been working on for about a year now, probably, but now that it's time to finish it, I don't want to. That's the way it goes with every project.

Here's how it looks at this time:


I need to make a hat for it and get it mounted and then I can explain all the different aspects and why it's made the way it is.

***

Kittens are good, kinda. Spectre gave us a scare yesterday when he was very lethargic and wouldn't eat or move or do anything. He seems much better today, and for now, he's back on kitten milk until he gets a little bigger and we can try weaning again. Ghost is good. Loud and obnoxious as always, and she seems to be doing fairly well with weaning. She just can't seem to figure out drinking milk from a bowl.


***

I've recently become obsessed with the show Oddities. There are more crazy people on that show than I can wrap my mind around, and I love it. I also now want all the weird old stuff that they have on there. Like a lamp made out of a baboon foot. How awesome is THAT?! I need one.

I laid awake with an upset stomach for about four hours last night, so I spent most of that time pondering how I could contain a bunch of flesh eating beetles and where I could get a cat carcass so I can learn to articulate skeletons. Don't worry! I'm not going to take up hunting or killing animals or whatever. I just want one that's all ready dead.

To hear it like that sounds totally wrong, but I just want it for the scientific and collector-y aspect. Besides, cat skeletons are crazy neat anyway. Also, I don't have any place to put a human skeleton.

I've decided that I'm going to get a taxidermy-ed raven. Partly for the nifty "I have a stuffed raven" thing, and partly so I can put it on the fake headstone I'm making for Halloween decor for the yard this year. I specified to the taxidermy person that I needed it NOT mounted on a block of wood. When it's not out on the headstone, I'm gonna keep it by my art desk.

Now might also be a good time to confess that I'm slightly obsessed with birds. All of them. Owls! I love owls! Peacocks and flamingos are also some of my favorites. It's kind of a problem, really. I read the other day that large parrots can learn to play with a Jack-in-the Box. How cool is that? I need a parrot.

***

I'm done now. Partially because I'm rambling, and partially because I need to go take some mail and find something productive to do.

First a nap, zen we launch ze miss-siles!

No post yesterday as the whole day was a chaotic mess. Son couldn't get on the ball in the morning and it took constant prodding to get him to eat, shower, and brush his teeth. Youngest Daughter was screaming to be fed, kittens were screaming to be fed, Grandmother was busy taking medicine and putting on makeup and wasting time doing nothing. Oldest Daughter crapped in her pants and proceeded to take off her pants, leaving her mess all over the living room floor and smeared up and down her legs.

Emergency bath, load everyone in the car, almost missed the bus. Traffic to Denver was ridiculous, but that's 9 am rush hour for you. Dropped Grandma off at the Center for The Blind, Youngest Daughter is hungry but too tired to eat by the time we get home.

Weigh the kittens, both are down about a half an ounce. Covered in urine and feces. Feed them, wash them, now they're escaping the box when I'm not looking.

Youngest daughter gets up to eat, we drop cakes off at the school and come home and she goes right back down for another nap. Feed kittens again. Start some laundry, load the dishwasher, Husband calls at 2:00 when he's supposed to be almost home from Colorado Springs and says he's just now leaving. This upsets me, but it isn't his fault.

So now I have to get dinner started because Oldest Daughter is always hungry around 4:30 or 5:00, sooner if she's been at day care all day. A neighbor brought Son home from the bus stop because Youngest Daughter is still asleep. Dinner is started, ready to go in the oven right as Husband gets home with Oldest Daughter.

Give him directions. Do some laundry. Dinner in 30 mins. Kittens need to be fed. I have to go.

Book fair wasn't bad, waves of lots of people and then dead for a while. Rinse and repeat.

Neat fundraiser they're doing this year. Colored change buckets. Green, pink, purple, orange, blue. Drop in some change. Librarian will dye her hair the matching color after 3,001 books are sold. Money goes to Children's Hospital for new books. Scholastic will match each book we buy for the hospital with another book for the Homeless Coalition.

8:30. Time to go home. Free bag of clementines. Avalanche lose to the Wild. Guinness! Sleep.

***

Now it's Wednesday. Oldest Daughter has spent most of the morning on the potty because I can't have another episode like yesterday, and she's ready to be potty trained anyway, even though she blatantly refuses to be at this point. She changes and wipes her dolls. Wants to wipe herself. Makes all her dollhouse dolls sit on the toilet. She's ready. I will get her potty trained.

Going to Denver this afternoon, like every Wednesday. Half to come up with a casserole idea or something since I'm not making a roast this week. I'd really like to take a nap, but instead it's more laundry, more dishes, more kittens.

It's Friday and I'm in love!

Big weight gain for all the kittens over the last couple days. No one has their eyes open yet, but that doesn't stop them from exploring and climbing right up the front of us during feeding time.

***

I made it to my art desk yesterday and actually made something! This is a Bic Round Stick pen, covered in a polymer clay cane I made. The cane has silver leaf in it. Doesn't look too fancy yet, but should look better after I get it sanded and polished.

Anyway, I made it because I was experimenting with canes for the Mardi Gras mask I'm making to send to NYC.

Wait. Have I even mentioned the mask? If not, the short story is that I've been asked to make one to be hung in a Cajun restaurant. Not gonna say which one for fear of jinxing myself (and no, I'm not really superstitious, but still) right now, but if all goes the way it should, I will definitely be back here telling all about it.

***

The crazy wind the other night left a huge mess in its wake. I live in the suburbs, so half the people out here have trampolines (apparently, they never watch AFV). After the wind storm the other night, half the neighborhood trampolines are missing. The other half are twisted and completely mangled. A tree in the park was blow over from the roots. We tied out porch swing down so it would stop banging into the house like a battering ram.

***

This afternoon I'll be going over to Son's school to help set up the Book Fair. I worked over there most every day it ran last year, and this year I decided not to. Partly because of two Daughters instead of one, partly because of kittens, and mostly just because I didn't feel up for it. I'm fairly certain that I'll be running the whole thing one of these years, so I'm fine with avoiding it now. I did, however, sign up to work a couple shifts on each night it runs late and I'm signed up to bring Yummies for the cake walk that happens those nights, so that's enough. Am I meeting the PTA Mom quota? I don't know and I don't care. I'm doing what I can without stretching myself past my boundaries.

***

I started designing my Etsy banner last night, but when I uploaded it, it was all blurry. Of course, I got discouraged and gave up. Not a completely bad idea because I have a better idea of what I really want it to look like now, so I can redo it and get it figured out and not be left with the nagging feeling that I could do better.

***

Now I'm off to find some lunch. Thanks for stopping by. Tell your friends. They certainly want to read about kitties and art and children too, you know ;)

Four.

Four years ago, the man who would become Husband asked me to be his girlfriend. He also hinted that I was not allowed to say no. Seven months later, we'd be married. Today, to mark this special occasion, I've gotten out my cake tools. Decorating cakes for more than ten years was quite enough for me, so I only do so for special reasons now. Even more special is the fact that Husband doesn't know I'm making the cake.

***

I weighed myself today. I am down 5 1/2 lbs and can fit into smaller pants. Score one for me. Hasn't been hard and I haven't made huge changes to my diet. Just a lot more activity now, largely in part to my fitbit.

***

Kittens are well and wonderful this morning. Not much to report today. No eyes are open yet, but their ears are slowly unfolding.

***

Older Daughter is learning her colors. She can now correctly identify red, black, green, blue, yellow and pink. Purple and blue are a little bit lacking yet, and white is not registering at all.

I'm giving serious thought to changing Younger Daughter's name to Baby No Nap, because she never sleeps. Then she's miserable by 4:00 and I can't let her go to bed before we've even eaten dinner.

***

Husband, who is crazy scared of needles, is donating blood for a blood drive at work today, after they got an email that pointedly said they needed A+ blood type donations. I'm so proud of him <3

***

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a huge fan of cooking. I've been known to state that I am allergic to the stove. Husband did most of the cooking for the first couple years we were married. That said, I find a special satisfaction in cooking for my family and friends. They get good food made with lots of love, and that makes me very happy.

***

I went out and bought a polymer clay book yesterday, because I'd borrowed it from the library and renewed it too many times. The inspiration and tutorials in it are wonderful, though, and I was struggling without it.

***

That's all I've got for right now. Maybe something more exciting will happen with kittens today and I can come on here and brag about it.

"Taking food alone tends to make one hard and coarse. Those accustomed to it must lead a Spartan life if they are not to go downhill. Hermits have observed, if for only this reason, a frugal diet. For it is only in company that eating is done justice; food must be divided and distributed if it is to be well received. " -Walter Benjamin

As the Hangman says; "No noose is good noose".

Younger Daughter was born on May 4. It was difficult getting anything done in the weeks before she came, and now it's impossible to get anything done.

Older Daughter has officially turned two, and her attitude matches. We go through multiple daily temper tantrums and screaming fits. She also refuses to eat anything that isn't sugary. So she pretty much isn't eating.

Older Son finishes kindergarten today, and then it's an entire summer of telling him repeatedly to stop doing that, stop fighting with your sister, stop chasing the cat (yes, we got a kitten a few weeks ago), get out of that, please go outside and play, etc.

I'm fairly certain that come the beginning of the new school year, I'll be capable of nothing more than drooling on myself or pulling my hair out by the handful.

As an update, I taught myself the basics of crochet. I've gotten 95% of the baby blanket done, and come to a dead stop making any progress. I have no desire to finish it. I don't suppose that really comes as a surprise, though, as my unfinished projects are the basis of this blog.

Also, not surprisingly, I've taken a new interest. Dollhouses and all the miniatures that go with them. I've built a couple before, but nothing intricate or worth talking about.

What is surprising, though, is that Husband seems to have caught the bug, and he wants to build dollhouses. He's gone so far as to start looking through woodworking magazines and taking trips to Home Depot and the hobby stores just to do price comparisons for all the various materials.

On another note, the year is almost half gone and I haven't made any progress on my Pay It Forward projects. I haven't even got any ideas for most of them. I had some ideas for a couple of them, and I didn't bother to write them down, so naturally I've forgotten them.

Now, the clock is insisting that I need to get Older Son ready to go to school. I have to relish the mornings of no time commitments now, because that will all be over as of the middle of August.

The Point

Let's start off by passing along the knowledge that I practically never spank my kids. They're generally pretty well behaved on their own. Except Younger Son, and that's all out of my hands anyway. But Son and Daughter are usually very good. I consistently get compliments in public on how well behaved and polite they are.

That being said, yesterday I spanked son for the second time. He's also on his first ever grounding sentence. He's been pushing me as far as he can lately, and I really can't take anymore.

The first time I ever spanked him was last summer, probably late August. We moved into this house in July, and he was told he was free to play outside in the back yard whenever he wanted. It's fully fenced in and I didn't have to worry about people being tempted to take him or him wandering away. Or so I thought. Part of the way Autism Spectrum Disorder displays in him is that he has no sense of danger. He constantly wanders off if I don't watch him. So there was a period of a few weeks last summer where he would open the gate and leave the back yard. We'd find him out front or over at the neighbor's house usually. We had many talks about why he was not allowed to leave the yard. Every time, he said he understood and it wouldn't be a problem anymore. But then one morning I was cleaning the kitchen and I happened to turn and look at the front door. Son was out front, peering in the windows at me. I lost it in an instant. I brought him inside, straight up to his bedroom, and I spanked his butt. He never did it again. I felt horrible about it for days afterward, but he was over it in an hour and the problems with him wandering off stopped.

Lately, we've been having constant battles over everything. He back talks constantly. He argues with everything everyone says, just to be obnoxious. He's been drawing all over the walls and in his books and on his clothes. For weeks now, we've been fighting him to chew with his mouth closed and to stop talking with food in his mouth. We tell him no less than five times at every meal and nothing changes. Yesterday was another one of those days that I couldn't take any more. At one point, Daughter came to me with a toothpaste tube and asked me to open it. She had toothpaste all over her face like she'd been eating it. I asked Son where she got it and he said he'd given it to her. After a call the Poison Control, I'd had enough.

I sent Son to clean up his bedroom. That means pick up all the Legos, throw away all the pieces of trash, get the clothes off the floor. Basic stuff. I ended up telling him twice more. And then I spanked his butt. He never did pick up the stuff. At nap time, I pointedly told him there were to be NO toys or books in the bed, he was to lay down and be quiet if he wasn't going to sleep. At the end of nap time, there were no less than six books in the bed. Various toys. Some pens (which we'd all ready taken away and forbidden multiple times).

After dinner, Husband, Son and I sat down together so that I could explain to son that he was going to be grounded for a week. No movies, no video games, all the toys were coming out of his bedroom, and there would be no books going into the bedroom. They left to get everything cleaned up and Son went immediately to bed as it was only twenty minutes before bed time anyway.

This morning, Son asks first thing if he can have his video games. When I said no and asked if he remembered why they were taken away, he gave me a blank stare and sulked out of the kitchen. I'm not sure he's going to learn anything from all of this. I'm very frustrated and don't know where to proceed from here.


On a positive note, I worked a while on my embroidery last night and discovered that I had, in fact, made much more progress on it than I remembered. It was a small moment of joy in my otherwise stressful day.




Here's hoping that things settle down a little over the next few days, or I'm going to start locking myself in the bedroom and hiding like a hermit.