Friday, June 29, 2012

De-stash for a cause

I have a lot of orphaned beads and pieces I don't particularly care for that I really need to get rid of. Also, I need to boost etsy sales so that I can have a higher positive feedback rating in case I ever really decide to take it seriously.

That said, I will donate all proceeds from my etsy sales for the rest of June, July and August to relief efforts for the wildfires that are spread all over Colorado.

So go look. There isn't a lot there, but I'll be adding more over the next few days, so take note and spread the word to people you know :)

Friday, June 22, 2012

Productive Destruction

Yesterday I went into the guest bedroom on a whim and tore out all of the carpeting and padding. We were going to take it out anyway, and we were hoping to get it done before the neighbors' industrial dumpster gets taken away, so I did it. Today I took up all the carpet brads and the padding staples. Husband is up there at the moment sanding the subfloor so that we can put the wood flooring down after I finish painting. Only the baseboards and a few touch-ups left.

We went bowling last night. I hadn't been in more than ten years. It's way harder than Wii bowling and I suck. Also, holding a bowling ball is not terribly compatible with arthritic fingers.

That's all I've got for now.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Noooo! They be stealin' mah bucket!

Bucket lists. I don't know a whole lot about my dad, admittedly, but I do know he's not ready to die. He went to an oncologist yesterday and the verdict is that he has about six months without chemo. If he gets chemo, he will have up to a year and a half. I asked him on Sunday if he's ever wanted to go skydiving. He said he would like to, so Husband and I will be taking my dad and his evil Taco Wife skydiving before he dies. One checked off of all of our bucket lists.

In light of recent events, Husband and I have decided we won't be going to South Carolina this year. It's more important to be around and do things with my dad while he's still able to. It will be Husband and my anniversary gifts to each other and we'll pay for dad and his wife to go so they can save money for medical bills and all the other stuff. He won't be working much longer, so I imagine they'll be coming to stay with us fairly soon.

I have a large bit of resentment that it's come to my dad learning that he's going to die for him to really start giving a crap about anyone besides himself, his taco wife, and his prodigal son (meaning that my brother is the pride and joy of his whole life and the rest of us never mattered in comparison).

I hate this whole mess. I hate that I can't help but be mad at my dad. I hate that everyone is expecting me and my brother to patch things up. I hate that taco wife can't do anything besides turn this whole situation into a pity party for herself. I hate her. I always have. My dad will die and my hatred for her will grow exponentially.

What I do love is that my children hug me when I cry. They don't ask questions. They don't understand and they don't pretend to. They just do as much as they can to help by loving me even when I'm a complete wreck. I love that Husband allows me to invite everyone into the house without asking him. I love that he doesn't say anything when I cry, he just hugs me and waits until I stop. He loves me more when he watches me fall apart. He picks me back up and brushes me off and pushes me to keep moving. I love Grandmother, for being so strong and smart and... human.

I may end up missing one of my younger sisters' wedding this fall. She knows why, and she's understanding enough not to be selfish and upset because of it. I love her.

I love my other sister because she is the one I can say anything to and she gets it. I love her because she's wise beyond her years. I love her because she's in control of her own life and she lets herself be happy and she really is a pretty good role model.

In some strange way, I love my brother even though he's screwed up everything that's been handed to him on a silver platter. Even though he's a sociopath and a thief and a self-centered dick. He is my brother, after all. Things are just easier, for everyone, when we stay away from each other.

I love my aunt. Too many reasons to mention, but she really is the epitome of awesome. I love my uncle, because he loves us, even though he keeps his distance a lot of the time. It's easier for him.

I love that I am alive and healthy.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Daddy Dearest

For the first time in years, I actually had lots of warning before Father's Day arrived, and yet I'm still completely unprepared. I've got an idea of something I'm going to make for my dad that should be way cool, I just haven't had the time to make it.

We've been working on finishing up the guest bedroom. To my delight, I went in yesterday to paint some edges and tape for painting the trim, only to find a bucket of bright orange paint had been knocked over onto the carpet three or four days prior and the paint had leaked out through a section of the lid that was open maybe a half an inch. So we made an impromptu decision to tear all the carpet out and replace it with vinyl wood flooring panels. We were going to do new flooring eventually anyway, because all of the beige carpeting matches all of the beige walls and ceilings in the whole house.

On a related note, I've told my father that when he goes through treatment, or gets ready to die if that's the route it goes, he can come stay with us (and Skeletor can come too). So the flooring will be much easier to keep clean as his health declines and we have to keep everything as clean as possible.

So now I have 8 boxes of wood flooring pieces in my living room, a ladder and two tarps in the guest bedroom, a 2 foot square section of carpet that's been cut out, and a cluster of dressers in the middle of it all. On top of that, my kitchen is a disaster and my whole family (sans uncle) will be here for dinner tonight. My living room and toy room need to be vacuumed and oldest two Children won't stop fighting long enough to do it, regardless of the fact that I've yelled at them about 40 times to do it.

This afternoon Husband and I will take my dad, my grandmother and the three kids to a park to have some pictures done so I have something to give to the kids when they get older. We're doing it now, and at a park, so that it's relaxed and it doesn't feel so much like death pictures. Dinner will be after that.

One of the worst things about this whole situation is that every time I (or anyone else, from what I gather) talk to Skeletor (my evil step-mother), she turns it into a "poor me" situation. "I shouldn't be burying my husband", or "He doesn't eat so I don't eat and I'm losing too much weight" and on and on. It's infuriating. Normally, I'd say something callous and unfiltered, but now I'm trying to keep the peace so I bite my tongue and let it go, then cry about it to Husband.

The other thing about Skeletor is that she's had ongoing drug addiction problems for the last 20-something years and no one trusts her to stick around and care for my dad. If by some miracle she DOES stay, she'll likely be back on drugs in no time flat. Part of me (admittedly, a large part) kinda wishes she'd just go now and get it over with so that the drama goes and my dad can deal with it before he gets really bad. Either that, or she needs to wait until he's too far gone to know she's left. I hate her. I always have. Now more than ever.

On a related note, I've invited my brother to dinner tonight. My dad wouldn't come if I hadn't. For the people who know about my relationship with my brother, this is a huge step. When we moved from Denver two years ago, I pointedly told my whole family that my brother was NOT allowed to know where I live and he was NOT going to have my phone number. I told my dad that when he's sick, my brother can come visit whenever he wants. The only stipulation is that brother is not allowed to be alone in my house under ANY circumstances.

So that's what I've got for now. There are a million other things on my mind, but I've had a raging headache for four straight days and thinking about all of this is making it worse. Thanks for reading, and happy father's day, if you're a father.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

My father has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and it has spread aggressively. He's been advised at this point to skip chemo and enjoy the rest of his life as much as he can.

That is all.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

No noose is good noose

My ultrasound results came back showing nothing to be wrong. Tomorrow I go back to the doctor to talk about options from here.


My father has been suffering from bad indigestion problems for a few months. Yesterday he went in for an ultrasound and CAT scan. He has unidentified spots on his liver and the doctors believe he has esophageal cancer. Tomorrow he goes back for endoscopy and biopsy on the spots in his esophagus. No word yet on what will be done about the liver spots.



I made a new blog for my polymer clay stuff yet but haven't made a post in it yet so I'll publish a link after I get it started.


I think I'm going to switch from Etsy to another selling venue. Etsy has way too much BS and drama that I don't feel like dealing with.

Like THIS. Seriously. Caught in a lie and it's been going on for months and Etsy won't do anything about it because they're making a killing from it. Money means more than integrity in this day and age, after all.


That's kinda all I've got for now.