Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tired All The Time - Symptoms of Depression

We are coming upon a year since my dad first started getting sick. It has seemed that time slowed upon his diagnosis of esophageal cancer, and stopped all together upon his death. Most of the time, I try not to think about the whole situation because I miss him so badly that it can become completely debilitating. I understand now how people become hoarders or morbidly obese when things like this happen. I have gained 20 lbs since he died, and I don't care enough right now to make any changes. There are also lots of other symptoms of depression that I'll get to later.

I was never in the mood for or excited about Christmas last December. I forgot about my son's birthday until right before his party. Daughters' birthdays are the first week in May and I keep forgetting to even think about their party or cake or invitations. I forgot Grandmother's birthday until right before. I've forgotten every important anniversary that I share with my husband since last July, and suddenly I hate being reminded that my birthday is coming and how old I'll be when it never bothered me before.

I do not have the motivation or desire to create things anymore. I make myself do it because if I don't, I'll fall into a pit of despair that I may never come out of. If I did not have children to take care of, I'd never get out of bed. My house is a disaster all the time because I don't care about that either. I am failing my husband and my children because I can't get past the things that happened last summer, I've lost almost an entire year of my life without realizing it.

So, since there are a huge number of people out there suffering from depression and a great percentage of them don't realize it, here is a list of depression symptoms.

  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
  • Fatigue and decreased energy
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
  • Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
  • Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
  • Irritability, restlessness
  • Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
  • Overeating or appetite loss
  • Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
  • Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I have a long road to get to a healthy frame of mind, and this is my first step. 

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