A Pile of Frogs and A Pile of Glass

I've been working on "A Pile of Frogs" cross-stitch lately after having ignored all cross-stitch for many months now. When it is finished, it will look like this:

Also, I'm back to working on the grid my Oriental Tiger project, but after working on it for over an hour last night I've discovered that my grid lines are off somewhere and now I have to go back and find where I screwed up, so I'm discouraged and tempted to ignore it. 

Also, I've worked on glass a little bit over the last week or so, making some beads for Beads of Courage. Hopefully somewhere along the line, I'll get some beads made for trading. Today I've got half of a bridal set in the kiln for a wedding Husband and I will be attending while we're in South Carolina next month.

Not much else to report at the moment. Thanks for stopping by. 

An Epic Undertaking - Maybe

I spent a lot of years making cakes. I am so tired of cakes that come spring when we have most of the family's birthdays in a five week span, I want to run and scream and never look at a mixer again. I don't like making them any other time either, but I hate the spring. That said, I like making miniature food. Recently the itch to make miniature wedding cakes has come about and in the manner of how I do all things, I've decided to do something big and extravagant and extremely complicated. I plan to make this in 1:12 scale:

 Photo courtesy of Associated Press

That is the cake from Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding. It is 8 tiers and 17 total cakes and has more than 500 flowers. I can't say that all 500 flowers will be there but I plan to make it as closely replicated as possible, complete with teeny tiny stringer work. It will take a LOT of time, but I plan to work on it in stages. Before I can start I need to find more detailed photos.

I took Ginger dog to the vet this morning after she came in with a bloody tail last night. Vet says short haired dogs with long tails often kill the blood supply to their tails when they constantly beat them against everything they walk past, so the dog is going in early Thursday morning to have the majority of her tail taken off as the flesh is necrotizing.

On a glass-related note, Husband finished my ventilation set up for my torch area and it's now much quieter and more convenient. Hopefully I'll have exciting new beads to show off pretty soon. I need to start working on beads to trade at the ISGB gathering in Rochester this July. I need more than 100 and I have exactly zero. 

Son finished school on the 23rd so I've been giving him extra chores and things throughout the day to keep him busy. At the moment, all three kids are watching Sesame Street and there is no screaming or whining. This means I need to go check on them soon.

I need to get to work and finish Younger Daughter's new bedroom because I really don't want to have to rush to do it after we come back from vacation in the end of July. 

I've learned some new techniques from Melanie Muir and Debbie Carlton and have gotten a lot of new ideas from various polymer magazines so I hope to take my polymer jewelry to a new level over the coming months. I have a couple ideas I'd like to bring to fruition that I haven't started and a few unfinished pieces waiting at my desk. Hopefully I'll find a bit of time over the next few days to work on that. I took a stack of movies to my desk so that I can listen to that while I work and hopefully avoid making myself completely crazy from thinking too much. My writing here is a perfect example of my thought process - it jumps from here to there to somewhere else constantly, sometimes with intervals of deep fixation on one (usually meaningless) thing.

On a final note, this past weekend was the Chalk Art Festival in Larimer Square. I've been a few times but not in recent years. One of my favorite artists who is there every year is Mythica von Griffyn. This year she did a technicolor Marilyn Monroe piece that won the Best Use of Color award. It is mind-boggling. I saw an in-progress picture from one of my friends on facebook: 

Photo courtesy of Nathan Rasmussen

Upon seeing the above picture, I immediately thought it was a viable possibility that she might win top honors for it. Here is a picture she posted this morning on facebook with the award:

Photo courtesy of Mythica von Griffyn

Every time I see a picture of her, she's got on overalls and a crazy hat. The hat in the first picture is how I knew who was doing the piece as soon as I saw it. So hop on over to facebook and look at her amazing work :)

As for me, I've got kids to put down for a nap and dishes to wash. Thanks for stopping by :)

No glass lately. I should at least be working on beads for trading in Rochester but I'm just not feeling it lately.

I've been playing with polymer clay the last few days and have made a couple cuff bracelets. I made a rainbow Klimt cane and used it to cover one. I lost interest in sanding and buffing, so I sent it out the way it was as a Pay It Forward project. I didn't bother to take good pictures, but I took a couple with my phone. Here's the way it looked when I decided I was finished.

New Listings and New Opportunities

I have an opportunity to start a wholesale partnership with a brick and mortar jewelry store in Michigan to carry my beads. I'm debating whether or not to do it as I don't like having to make things on other people's schedules, but it would give me a chance to people I wouldn't otherwise get to. It will take some thinking before I make a final decision.


Also, this week I listed almost 30 new Pandora beads in my Etsy shop. I also have the coupon code "SpringFling" active through Saturday for 20% off. As of right now, all of these beads are available, and you can click on them to enlarge them :)

At the Bottom of a Deep, Dark Hole

It's come to the point that I need to admit that I have completely lost control of every aspect of my life. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a pit and every day that passes the escape grows farther and farther away. Every inch of my house is a disaster. My yard is a mess of epic proportions that I may never be able to right. My son is in a downward spiral and I can't figure out how to help him.

I get so tired of cleaning this entire house just to turn around and find toys and trash all over the floor and papers and shit stacked everywhere. I never can catch up with the dishes. There are always more things that need scrubbed or wiped down or thrown out or picked up or filed or shredded or...

My yard is a special kind of white-trash disaster area that I'm completely ashamed of. The spot we had the pool in last year never recovered. The dogs have rolled in the grass so much that whole sections of the yard have no grass at all. They've dug holes everywhere. Between them and the kids all the landscaping rocks cover the entire yard. We have so much dog crap to pick up that there really isn't much room for the kids to play. My vegetable garden is completely overrun with weeds and has a huge pile of dirt that we started to move last year and left and... Just thinking about all of this makes me want to cry.

Son is falling so far behind in math that I worry he'll never catch up. I think he may be dyslexic because he always has letters and numbers out of order. His ability to read seems to be declining. He refuses to do any of his chores, he blatantly disobeys us, he's grounded and yet continues to do exactly what he shouldn't even when he knows it will get him into more trouble. When I talk to him about anything he gives me a blank stare like he's looking at a wall.

The longer I take to get things back together, the more depressed I become. The more depressed I become, the less I am able to do anything about this situation. I'm completely lost and I have no idea where to turn.

I. Hate. Everything.

Let Them Eat Cake

Not much to report lately as I've not really been in the mood to do glass or anything else. Yesterday was both Daughters' birthdays, so we had a party. I made the cakes. They're inspired by Indian / Jaipur / Bollywood colors.

Thanks for stopping by :)

Tired All The Time - Symptoms of Depression

We are coming upon a year since my dad first started getting sick. It has seemed that time slowed upon his diagnosis of esophageal cancer, and stopped all together upon his death. Most of the time, I try not to think about the whole situation because I miss him so badly that it can become completely debilitating. I understand now how people become hoarders or morbidly obese when things like this happen. I have gained 20 lbs since he died, and I don't care enough right now to make any changes. There are also lots of other symptoms of depression that I'll get to later.

I was never in the mood for or excited about Christmas last December. I forgot about my son's birthday until right before his party. Daughters' birthdays are the first week in May and I keep forgetting to even think about their party or cake or invitations. I forgot Grandmother's birthday until right before. I've forgotten every important anniversary that I share with my husband since last July, and suddenly I hate being reminded that my birthday is coming and how old I'll be when it never bothered me before.

I do not have the motivation or desire to create things anymore. I make myself do it because if I don't, I'll fall into a pit of despair that I may never come out of. If I did not have children to take care of, I'd never get out of bed. My house is a disaster all the time because I don't care about that either. I am failing my husband and my children because I can't get past the things that happened last summer, I've lost almost an entire year of my life without realizing it.

So, since there are a huge number of people out there suffering from depression and a great percentage of them don't realize it, here is a list of depression symptoms.

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Overeating or appetite loss
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I have a long road to get to a healthy frame of mind, and this is my first step.